https://tessarexroat.com/2019/08/31/human-meat/2019-08-31T20:01:28+00:00monthlyhttps://tessarexroat.com/2018/07/02/lemonade/https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/07/beyonce-swinging-a-bat.gifbeyonce swinging a batI had no choice but to steal Beyonce's title, so I believe I'm legally required to remind you how badass she is. https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/07/scraped_ditch.jpgScraped_DitchThe answer to all life's problems.https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/07/bg-char_age-of-gods.pngbg-char_age-of-godsSeen here: the God of Gastroenteritis. https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/07/kids-lemonade-stand.jpgKids-Lemonade-StandSorry kid, it just isn't cute anymore. https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/07/lemons.jpglemonsLook at them, laying there, pretending to be innocent. YOU CAN'T FOOL ME, CITRUS!2018-07-02T17:16:09+00:00monthlyhttps://tessarexroat.com/2018/05/07/cool_pizza/2018-04-27T16:18:42+00:00monthlyhttps://tessarexroat.com/2018/05/03/business/https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/no-pants.jpgno pants2018-04-27T16:14:40+00:00monthlyhttps://tessarexroat.com/2018/04/27/canteloupe/2018-04-27T16:06:49+00:00monthlyhttps://tessarexroat.com/2018/05/01/feminists/2018-04-27T16:04:39+00:00monthlyhttps://tessarexroat.com/2018/04/30/dance-party/2018-04-27T16:02:06+00:00monthlyhttps://tessarexroat.com/2018/04/17/the-internet-gets-me/https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/grinch-smile.gifgrinch smilehttps://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/uterus.jpguterusI spent way too much time making this. https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/supercow.pngsupercowAnd then I did a search for "heroic cow." This entire blog post was ill-advised, wasn't it? https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/bearded-lady.jpgbearded ladyAnd then I did a search for "bearded lady" to find this picture, confirming everything the internet apparently already thinks about me. https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/postcard.jpgpostcardOh yeah. Thrilling. https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/dinosaur-clothes.pngdinosaur clothesOkay, obviously I need to be more specific when pairing "dinosaur" and "clothes." https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/frizzle.pngfrizzleHe's totally right, I would look FABULOUS in this hat.https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/cow-tattoo.jpgcow tattoohttps://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/pinterest-recommendations.jpgPinterest Recommendations2018-04-17T17:24:36+00:00monthlyhttps://tessarexroat.com/2018/04/13/that-time-i-didnt-join-a-cult/https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/old-man-lifting.jpgold man liftingHe's still got it!https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/strongman.jpgstrongmanNot an actual picture of Bob, but you get the idea.https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/mike_conley.jpgMike_conleyNot an actual picture of Bob, but you get the idea.https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/brochure.jpgbrochureThe cold, lifeless eyes of anyone holding a brochure. https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/chef.jpgchefMy third eye says this hollandaise is perfect! https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/guru-purnima.jpgGuruTo be fair, I do expect both gurus and circus performers to have impressive facial hair. https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/guru.jpgguruTo be fair, I do expect both gurus and circus performers to have impressive facial hair. https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/water.jpgwater"Don't worry, it's just a perfectly ordinary glass of water!" https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/fashion-scrubs.jpgfashion scrubsApparently someone already thought of that.https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/drag-mermaid.jpgdrag mermaidMy ideal restaurant would combine fish and drag queens, obviously. 2018-04-13T17:42:45+00:00monthlyhttps://tessarexroat.com/2018/04/11/im-old/https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/teddy-ruxpin-feature.jpgTeddy RuxpinAt least we still have vaguely possessed toys to haunt our collective dreams. https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/marilyn-monroe.jpgmarilyn monroeProof I am a brunette: nobody has ever offered to do a photo spread of me, sitting and reading, even though it's basically all I ever do. https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/pillow-talk.jpgpillow talkWe've also lost the art of the scandalous split screen!https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/betamax.jpgbetamaxRemember when there was faux wood paneling on EVERYTHING? https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/emoticons.jpgEmoticonsIs there one for the existential dread in the face of your own impending mortality as you realize your entire system of communication is no longer relevant? https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/prince.jpgprinceThe most Charming of the Princes. https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/fabulous-old-lady.jpgfabulous old lady#LifeGoalshttps://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/woodstock.jpgwoodstockI disapprove. 2018-04-11T17:07:08+00:00monthlyhttps://tessarexroat.com/2018/04/12/miss-madness/https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/crazy-lady.jpgCrazy Lady2018-04-11T16:03:06+00:00monthlyhttps://tessarexroat.com/2018/03/30/economy-of-dinosaurs/https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/cool-shakespeare.jpgcool shakespeareLookin' gooooooooood.https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/allosaurus-pic.jpgallosaurus picRemember this; there will be a test later.https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/allosaurus.gifallosaurusRemember this; there will be a test later.https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/no-friends.jpgno friends**Quietly weeps into my vat of coffee**https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/obama-mic-drop.gifObama mic drophttps://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/dinosaur-teeth.jpgdinosaur teethhttps://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/dinosaur-sprinkler.jpgdinosaur sprinklerhttps://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/dinosaur-divorce.jpgdinosaur divorcehttps://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/giant-stuffed-t-rex1.jpggiant stuffed t rexhttps://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/giant-stuffed-t-rex.jpggiant stuffed t rex2018-03-30T18:04:23+00:00monthlyhttps://tessarexroat.com/2018/04/02/filthy/2018-03-30T16:13:05+00:00monthlyhttps://tessarexroat.com/2018/03/28/leave-the-boy/https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/socks.jpgsockshttps://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/panicking.gifpanickingIn case you haven't noticed, there's a Simpsons gif for every situation. https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/sandy-shoes.jpgsandy shoesThe. Worst. https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/shoes.jpgpile of shoesShoes: they're where it's at.https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/simpsons-storm.gifsimpsons stormhttps://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/kauai-trail.jpgkauai trailIt's not hideous, is what I'm saying. https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/darth-maul.jpgdarth maulI'm saving the Darth Maul stories for another day. Yes, my family has multiple stories involving Darth Maul. 2018-03-28T17:42:11+00:00monthlyhttps://tessarexroat.com/2018/03/26/chicken-suit/https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/chicken-suit.jpgchicken suit2018-03-23T17:48:17+00:00monthlyhttps://tessarexroat.com/2018/03/23/mom-friends/https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/beach-house-family.jpgbeach house family"We've run out of room in the wine cellar! Will you help us drink some, so we can have more space?" https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/jon-stewart.jpgJon StewartWe miss you, Jon.https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/thomas-the-thug-engine.jpgthomas the thug enginehttps://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/guantanamo.jpgguantanamoThey should hand everyone a newborn on arrival. https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/baby-got-back.jpgbaby got backI'm lying; OF COURSE I still know all the lyrics! https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/tired-mom.jpgtired momYou haven't known the darkest depths of despair & human suffering until you've become a parent. https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/samosas.jpgsamosas**drool**2018-03-23T16:59:43+00:00monthlyhttps://tessarexroat.com/2018/03/21/thank-you-for-the-douchebags/https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/hipster-llama.jpghipster llamaBasically, I dated a llama. https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/rich-woman.jpgrich womanThen again, I do hear that money can buy you happiness... https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/scream.gifscreamThat's how I feel too!https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/born-in-the-usa.jpgborn in the usaHe puts Bruce Springsteen to shame. https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/douchebag.jpgdouchebagA bag. For douching. https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/i-am-the-night.jpgI am the nightHis first year of life. 2018-03-21T17:20:49+00:00monthlyhttps://tessarexroat.com/2018/03/20/narcissism/https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/stairs.jpgstairsIt was a huge pain in the ass when they got a new sofa too. https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/sleeping-phone.jpgsleeping phoneAt least I was considerate enough to tuck it in. https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/hermione.jpghermioneMUST KNOW EVERYTHINGhttps://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/crazy-lady.jpegcrazy ladyMe? Oh no, I'm perfectly fine. PERFECTLY. FINE. https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/phone-on-fire.jpgphone on fireMy phone, seen here desperately trying to keep up. https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/twitching.giftwitchingIt's not a good sign if all the relevant .gifs for your life come from Loony Tunes. https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/waiting.gifwaitingI feel your pain, Daffy. https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/baby-turtle.jpgbaby turtleThat movie was disturbing, so here's a baby turtle instead! 2018-03-20T17:02:17+00:00monthlyhttps://tessarexroat.com/2018/03/16/relationship-goals/https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/gwyneth.jpggwynethDon't listen to this mutant's lieshttps://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/donkey.jpgdonkeyMe.https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/bladesgiving.jpgbladesgivingDon't tell me you aren't intrigued! https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/stealing-fries.jpgstealing friesYoink!https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/puppy-eating-kittens-face.jpgpuppy eating kitten's faceWHY WOULD YOU MAKE ME CHOOSE? WHAT KIND OF A MONSTER ARE YOU? https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/bear-trap.jpgbear trapAn accurate representation of my love. https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/love-tiger.jpglove tigerhttps://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/courting1.jpgcourtingIt's okay, there wasn't room for anyone but that dress on the couch anyway. https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/courting.jpgcourtingNot sure if this guy is into getting her out of that frock, or getting himself into it. https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/mel-gibson-and-danny-glover-in-lethal-weapon.jpgMel GibsonUnless you can nail this hair. 2018-03-16T17:13:21+00:00monthlyhttps://tessarexroat.com/2018/03/14/life-hacks-dont-exist-but-here-are-some-swell-ideas/https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/thats-all-folks.jpgthat's all folkshttps://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/cheers.jpgcheersCheers!https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/sheets.jpgsheetsMore advice: never get out of bed again.https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/houseplants.jpghouseplantsThis will be your life in no time!https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/mary-berry.jpgMary BerryAnd fantasize about being BFFs with Mary Berry. https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/cheese.jpgcheeseOkay, truth time: cheese makes everything better, always. https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/silver-lame.jpgsilver lameThey don't sell the underwear any more, but fear not! Now there's a whole BODYSUIT! https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/drag-queen-makeup.jpgfabulousBecause everyone deserves to look this good.https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/coffee-iv.pngcoffee ivActually seeing a picture of someone with a coffee IV is a lot more disturbing than I imagined it would be.https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/hacker.jpghackerUnless there are random numbers and useless code floating mysteriously over your head, you're not a hacker. 2018-03-14T17:39:23+00:00monthlyhttps://tessarexroat.com/2018/03/13/childrens-books-and-representation/https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/book-rainbow.jpgbook rainbowI'm required by law to mention here that books come in every color of the rainbow. I think LeVar Burton might have gotten that law passed in the 70s. https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/adatwist.jpgadatwistI'm legally required to mention https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/latina-dancer.jpglatina dancerJust remember kids, no matter what race you are, ballerinas are freaky flexible mutants. https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/non-white-disney.jpgnon white disneyEven Disney pretends to make an effort these days!https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/overalls.jpgoverallsThe good news: overalls are back! The bad news: they look stupid. https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/biracial-pigs.jpgbiracial pigsI ACCIDENTALLY FOUND THE PERFECT PICTUREhttps://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/princess-and-the-elephant.jpgprincess and the elephantApparently this is a thing. https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/too-many-books.jpgtoo many booksMy solution to everything. https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/prohibition-march.jpgprohibition marchI was looking for "old protesters," but I got distracted. https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/sunnymeadow.jpgsunnymeadowAll day, every day. 2018-03-13T17:20:10+00:00monthlyhttps://tessarexroat.com/2018/03/15/kisses/2018-03-13T16:21:35+00:00monthlyhttps://tessarexroat.com/2018/03/08/how-to-be-polite/2018-03-08T03:57:18+00:00monthlyhttps://tessarexroat.com/2018/03/07/am-i-becoming-a-witch/https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/fabulous-witch.jpgfabulous witchhttps://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/broom-witch.jpgbroom witchSo long, suckers!https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/fancy-witch.jpgfancy witchMy hair would be so excited to do this.https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/glamour-witch.jpgglamour witchI could pull this off. https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/pussy-hats.pngpussy hatsLike how I distracted you from the fact I just made unnecessary amounts of pink yarn, just because I could? If this was a year ago, my creativity would be relevant! https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/fridge.jpgfridgeThis is genuinely the bane of my ehttps://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/noodles.jpgnoodlesGod dammit, now I'm hungry again!https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/pile-of-pots.jpgpile of potsI'll be done with the dishes sometime around May.https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/internet.jpeginternetSeen here: the strange, dangerous tunnel of the internet. https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/artichokesbrie.jpgartichokesbrieDelicious, just maybe not the sexiest of perfumes. 2018-03-07T18:25:09+00:00monthlyhttps://tessarexroat.com/2018/03/06/single-parenting-killing-it/https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/flycat.jpgflycatThen again, our cats have more than one bow tie collection to choose from, so they might not be what you'd call "normal." https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/formal-dinner.jpgformal dinnerUs, every evening promptly at 6:00. I swear. https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/adulting.jpgadultinghttps://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/kick-line.jpgkick lineIt never occurred to me before just how dangerous the Rockettes could be!https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/dustin-hoffman-red-panda.jpgdustin hoffman red pandaHonestly? I can see it. https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/firecrackers.jpgfirecrackersEven more worryingly, I found this image on a site about HOW TO MAKE YOUR OWN FIRECRACKERS AT HOMEhttps://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/pepperoni.jpgpepperoniCome to think of it, I should probably just hand him a whole stick of it. You know, take out the middle man. https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/crying-obama.jpgcrying ObamaThat's the most goddamn beautiful sentence I've ever heard. 2018-03-06T18:29:53+00:00monthlyhttps://tessarexroat.com/2018/03/02/panama-parenting/https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/cavewoman.jpgcavewomanNo, I'm not going to be the sexy kind. https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/a-man-a-plan-panama.jpgTheodore Roosevelt Steering a Shiphttps://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/vices.jpegvicesWe're all just trying to survive the best way we know how. https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/rocking-out.jpgrocking out"Mary Poppins is my JAM!"https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/spoiled-kid.jpgspoiled kidLife when I'm not there. https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/junk-food.jpgjunk foodKetchup counts as a vegetable, right? https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/maggie-hugging-tv.gifmaggie hugging tvWhat Daddy is going to find when he gets back. https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/dancing-kids.jpgdancing kidsThis is to distract you from the bad joke I just made about child labor. https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/cult-leader.jpgcult leaderYou know. Instead of all those not-at-all-weird cult leaders. https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/were-all-gonna-die.gifwe're all gonna die2018-03-02T18:34:10+00:00monthlyhttps://tessarexroat.com/2018/02/28/somebody-send-an-exorcist/https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/ghost.jpegghost-story.jpgA ghost stands in the ruins of a demolished building in a scene from the film <em>A Ghost Story.</emhttps://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/soiled-air.jpgsoiled airUnfortunately I left my hand fan in my other girdle. https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/witch-family.jpgwitch familyWe come from a long line of enchantment. https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/benedict-nope.gifbenedict nopehttps://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/ghost-kid.jpgghost kidIs this my future?https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/three-leg-dog.jpgthree leg dogAll I want in life is to adopt a tripod dog. Our one-eyed cat can ride him into battle! https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/colbert-stewart-oliver.jpgcolbert stewart oliverI only trust comedians. WHAT DOES THAT SAY ABOUT US? https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/big-brother-camera.jpgbig brother cameraThe phrase "nanny state" un-ironically springs to mind.https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/ghostbuster-trap.jpgghostbuster trapIt's a spray, because I couldn't get my hands on one of these. 2018-03-02T11:56:03+00:00monthlyhttps://tessarexroat.com/2018/02/27/pajama-party/https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/picard-jammies.jpgpicard jammieshttps://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/sexy-circus-jammies.jpgsexy circus jammieshttps://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/family-jammies.jpgfamily jammieshttps://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/angry-dog-jammies.jpgangry dog jammieshttps://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/tux-jammies.jpgtux jammieshttps://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/darth-vader-jammies1.jpgdarth vader jammieshttps://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/fancy-pajamas.jpgfancy pajamasUpgrade to grown-up pajamas"https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/star-trek-jammies.jpgstar trek jammieshttps://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/silk-suit-jammies.jpgsilk suit jammieshttps://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/tie-dye-jammies.jpgtie dye jammies2018-02-27T19:53:51+00:00monthlyhttps://tessarexroat.com/2018/03/01/a-shopping-list/2018-02-27T17:38:51+00:00monthlyhttps://tessarexroat.com/2018/02/23/winter-olympics/https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/magic.gifmagichttps://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/curling.jpgcurlingThe sport of kings.https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/pink-eye.jpgpink eyeWhy, pink eye and Olympics go together like Russia and performance enhancing drugs!https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/figure-skating.jpgfigure skatingHe will cut a bitch. https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/yasss.gifyassshttps://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/johnny-tara-outfits.jpgjohnny tara outfitshttps://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/johnny-tara-outfits-3.jpgjohnny tara outfits 3https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/johnny-tara-outfits-2.jpgjohnny tara outfits 2https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/johnny-tara-headsets.jpgjohnny tara headsets2018-02-23T18:36:09+00:00monthlyhttps://tessarexroat.com/2018/02/16/book-club/https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/internet.jpginternetIt's a series of tubes, right?https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/pale-fire.jpgpale firehttps://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/faulkner.jpgfaulknerNo. Way. You mean to tell me this man wasn't part of the Black Lives Matter movement?! https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/absalom-absalom.jpgabsalom, absalomhttps://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/longing.jpglongingBut how can being happy possibly compare to years of quiet suffering while your less-intelligent sisters are all married off?https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/jane-austen.jpgjane austenhttps://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/flying-kitten.pngflying kitten"I told you motherfuckers I had superpowers!" https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/handmaids-tale.jpghandmaid's talehttps://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/daniel-craig.jpgdaniel craigPretty much the opposite of this. https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/poisonwood-bible.jpgpoisonwood bible2018-02-16T18:19:02+00:00monthlyhttps://tessarexroat.com/2018/02/19/bats-are-not-bugs/2018-02-16T04:14:43+00:00monthlyhttps://tessarexroat.com/2018/02/14/valentines-day/https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/heart-pepperoni-pizza.jpgheart pepperoni pizzaEven better than a pink teddy bear clutching a box of waxy chocolate!https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/katharine-hepburn.jpgKatharine HepburnTo my everlasting sorrow, eating them did not magically give me these cheekbones. https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/mr-darcy.jpgMr DarcyThe only Mr. Darcy worth a 6 hour miniseries. 2018-02-14T17:44:23+00:00monthlyhttps://tessarexroat.com/2018/02/15/dinosaurs-and-cds/2018-02-15T22:02:23+00:00monthlyhttps://tessarexroat.com/2018/02/13/clumsy/https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/band-aid.jpgband-aidYES I JUST SORT OF IMPLIED I WISH MY CHILD WOULD GET HURT I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT I'M A GREAT MOTHERhttps://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/lightswitch.jpglight switchBeware! It's a killing machine!! https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/awkward-teenager.jpgawkward teenagerThis. All of this. https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/romanovs.jpgromanovsYou can't blame a girl for dreaming. Check out those hats! And the mustaches? Obviously where it's at. https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/ninja-ballerina.jpgninja ballerinaA self-portrait. https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/tree-reading.jpgtree readingIf this doesn't look like heaven, there's something wrong with you. 2018-02-13T18:02:34+00:00monthlyhttps://tessarexroat.com/2018/02/09/invisible-pants/2018-02-09T04:12:13+00:00monthlyhttps://tessarexroat.com/2018/02/07/free-tattoo-ideas-books/https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/penis-dragon-tattoo.jpgpenis dragon tattoohttps://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/willy-wonka-tattoo.jpgwilly wonka tattoohttps://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/whiskey-tattoo.jpgwhiskey tattoohttps://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/beast-tattoo.jpgbeast tattoohttps://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/homer-tattoo.jpghomer tattoohttps://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/ratatosk-tattoo.jpgratatosk tattoohttps://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/ferdinand-tattoo.jpgFerdinand tattoohttps://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/phantom-toll-booth-tattoo.jpgphantom toll booth tattoohttps://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/timshel-tattoo.jpgtimshel tattoohttps://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/rhino-tattoo.jpgrhino tattoo2018-02-07T20:15:43+00:00monthlyhttps://tessarexroat.com/2018/02/06/queen-elizabeth-ii/https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/queen-hats-8.jpgqueen hats 8https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/queen-hats-7.jpgqueen hats 7https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/queen-hats-6.jpgqueen hats 6https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/queen-hats-5.jpgqueen hats 5https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/queen-hats-4.jpgqueen hats 4https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/queen-hats-3.jpgqueen hats 3https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/queen-hats-2.jpgqueen hats 2https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/queen-hats-1.jpgqueen hats 1https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/gandhi-dancing.jpggandhi dancingI couldn't find any pictures for this, so I'm giving you this instead.https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/queen-diving-with-dolphins.jpgqueen diving with dolphinsTHIS IS MY NEW FAVORITE PICTURE2018-02-06T19:10:00+00:00monthlyhttps://tessarexroat.com/2018/02/02/my-rules-for-the-perfect-library/https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/beauty-beast-library.jpgbeauty beast libraryhttps://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/mirror-library.jpgmirror libraryhttps://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/too-far-library.jpgtoo far libraryhttps://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/spiral-staircase-library.jpgspiral staircase libraryhttps://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/secret-library.jpgsecret libraryhttps://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/bed-library.jpgbed libraryhttps://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/hammock-library.jpghammock libraryhttps://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/over-the-top-library.jpgover the top libraryhttps://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/all-the-books-library.jpgall the books libraryhttps://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/books-in-cages-library.jpgbooks in cages library2018-02-05T04:48:51+00:00monthlyhttps://tessarexroat.com/2018/01/31/oompa-loompas/https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/chocolate.jpgchocolateLet me repeat that: Free. Chocolate.https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/augustus-gloop.jpgaugustus gloopPro tip: keep those people away from any open vats you might have lying around. https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/oompa-loompa-hydra.jpgOompa Loompa hydraYour punishment will be a lifetime of nightmares about whatever the hell is going on here. https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/oompa-loompa-gang.jpgOompa Loompa gangLittle known fact: Oompa Loompas sometimes form dangerous street gangshttps://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/oompa-loompa-ymca.jpgOompa Loompa YMCAThey want odd, coordinated dance routines that vaguely remind them of The Village People, and they want them now!https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/oompa-loompa-oh-snap.jpgOompa Loompa oh snapAwww snap! https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/pet-tiger.jpgpet tigerAll he wants are belly rubs! (and maybe cold-blooded slaughter)https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/gene-wilder.jpgWilly Wonka And The Chocolate FactoryBefore we go any further, we should probably establish THIS IS THE ONLY WILLY WONKA I WILL EVER ACKNOWLEDGE. It was perfect the first time, and no one needed any other version. 2018-01-31T18:05:19+00:00monthlyhttps://tessarexroat.com/2018/01/30/we-live-in-the-future/https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/evil-scientist.jpgevil scientistOh that's right, I forgot: science is evil.https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/knitting.jpgknittingWait, you do this for fun too? WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?!https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/condoms.jpgcondomsAdmittedly, they did have seriously kick-ass packaging. https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/eating-pasta.jpgeating pastahttps://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/home-pickling.pnghome picklingFinally, a chance to catch up on some classics!https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/pasta.jpgpastaLet's all be honest here: it's already art. https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/washing-dishes-is-fun.jpgwashing dishes is funWell damn. I take it all back.https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/carbs.jpgCarbsIt's just... so... beautiful... https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/flour-dancer.jpegflour dancerMe, being clean.2018-01-30T18:17:45+00:00monthlyhttps://tessarexroat.com/2018/01/26/baby-iguanas-are-maniacs/https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/pile-of-iguanas.jpgpile of iguanasThis, but in our living room.https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/snake-love.jpgsnake loveCome on, you can't tell me cuddling snakes aren't cutehttps://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/iguana.jpgiguanaThe face of a stone-cold survivor. https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/iguana-kicks-snake.pngiguana kicks snakeSo good! https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/viking-snakes.jpgviking snakesQuick, hide the women and valuables! 2018-01-26T18:30:47+00:00monthlyhttps://tessarexroat.com/2018/01/24/suicidal-skyrim-horse/https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/skyrim-horse-butt-closeup.jpgskyrim horse butt closeupThey put this much work into making sure the anus was anatomically correct, but forgot to program them to obey gravity? https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/skyrim-horse-roof.jpgskyrim horse roofYou know what? Fine. It's probably safer up here anyway. https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/skyrim-horse-on-horse.jpgskyrim horse on horseIS THAT HORSE RIDING ANOTHER HORSE? https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/skyrim-horse-fell-over.jpgskyrim horse fell overHe's just... resting... https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/skyrim-horse-floating.jpgskyrim horse floatingLuckily, the laws of physics only loosely apply to horseshttps://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/skyrim-horse-butt.jpgskyrim horse buttAt least she never managed to shove half her body into the ground like this. Progress? https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/skyrim-horse-tree.jpgskyrim horse treeHOW DID WE WIND UP IN A TREE?!https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/skyrim-horse-cliff.jpgskyrim horse cliffMore or less accurate. https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/frost_horse.pngFrost_HorseAll my childhood dreams of having a pony, finally coming true!https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/skyrim-horse.jpgskyrim horseI did an image search for "Skyrim horse" and this came up. You can see where this is going, can't you? 2018-01-24T18:17:44+00:00monthlyhttps://tessarexroat.com/2018/01/23/magical-food/2018-01-23T17:57:21+00:00monthlyhttps://tessarexroat.com/2018/01/19/ye-olde-times/https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/laudanumadvert.jpgLaudanumAdvertI couldn't make this up if I tried.https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/medieval-party-e1482423506724.jpgHarley 2838 f.45Ain't no party like a Medieval party, 'cause a Medieval party looks depressing as hellhttps://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/cleopatra-coin.jpgcleopatra coinLet me be clear: she approved this portrait to be distributed throughout her kingdom as currency. Girl knew how to live!https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/ostrich.jpgostrichThis ostrich does not approve. https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/used-books.jpgused booksThe sad thing is, I'm not joking. If I could smell like slightly mildewed old books forever, I totally would. https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/1956_-_the_court_jester_movie_poster.jpg1956_-_The_Court_Jester_Movie_PosterThis is where I stop everything to make sure you've already seen this movie. Angela Lansbury is the beautiful young princess, the mom from Mary Poppins is a sexy rogue, and the tongue twisters get seriously out of hand. It's great!https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/eleanor.jpgeleanorThis picture is 100% historically accurate. https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/drunk-baby-1.jpgdrunk-baby-1Pictured: A BABY THAT WILL SLEEP THROUGH THE NIGHT.https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/bucket.jpgbucketJust be sure to empty it at least three feet from the house. We're not savages! https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/riding-a-flying-penis.jpgriding a flying penisThis is a woman riding a flying dragon-penis. Your argument is invalid. 2018-01-20T01:38:16+00:00monthlyhttps://tessarexroat.com/2018/01/17/mermaid-parade/https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/nyc-subway.jpgNYC subwayA typical Tuesday in NYC.https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/mermaid-gin.pngmermaid ginTragically, we didn't know this existed at the time. https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/shrimp-cocktail.jpgshrimp cocktailI know, this looks like a pretty sick costume to me too!https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/coney-island-mermaid-parade-12.jpgconey island mermaid parade 12https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/coney-island-mermaid-parade-11.jpgconey island mermaid parade 11https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/coney-island-mermaid-parade-10.jpgconey island mermaid parade 10https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/coney-island-mermaid-parade-9.jpgconey island mermaid parade 9https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/coney-island-mermaid-parade-8.jpgconey island mermaid parade 8https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/coney-island-mermaid-parade-3.jpgconey island mermaid parade 3https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/coney-island-elephant.jpgconey island elephantTHIS IS AN ACTUAL PICTURE OF A THING THAT HAPPENED2018-01-17T18:39:33+00:00monthlyhttps://tessarexroat.com/2018/01/16/dress-like-a-kid/https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/star-dress.jpgstar dressI actually already have this tiara. #Facthttps://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/ballet-shoes.jpgballet shoesI'm pretty sure I could make a convincing argument for why these are practical to my everyday life.https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/glitter-boots.jpgglitter bootsTwo words: GLITTER. BOOTS. https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/rainbow-leggings.jpgrainbow leggingsRemember Rainbow Bright? An icon if ever there was one. https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/tiger-bomber-jacket.jpgtiger bomber jacketThis is the second time tigers are making an appearance on this list, and I am not repentant. https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/rainbow-tiger-watch.jpgrainbow tiger watchYou can't tell from the picture, BUT THE TIGER'S FACE SWIVELS https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/space-dress.jpgspace dressThe final (fashion) frontierhttps://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/sequin-dress.jpgsequin dressMy goal: look like a human disco ball.2018-01-16T18:13:20+00:00monthlyhttps://tessarexroat.com/2018/01/05/fuzzy-butt/https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/raised-eyebrow.jpgraised eyebrowThis is my suspicious face.https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/puppy.jpgpuppyOh come on, don't tell me you have an iron will when it comes to fuzzy thingshttps://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/frozen-butt.jpgfrozen buttI love you, Google Image Search. https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/leopard-leggings.jpgleopard leggingsI should have just fully committed to the look. https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/tim-gunn.jpgtim gunnThe face feared across the fashion industry! https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/dogs-blowing-bubbles-3.jpgdog catching bubbles"THIS TIME I WILL CATCH ONE OF YOU FUCKERS!"https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/ripped-jeans-and-t-strap-heels.jpgRipped-Jeans-and-T-strap-Heels"Effortlessly cool" and I have never even been in the same time zone.https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/the-twilight-zone-featured-image.jpgThe Twilight ZoneIn the end, it turned out they were all living in an aquarium owned by aliens, who were conducting an experiment on how long it takes to drive someone mad.https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/wayback-machine.jpgwayback machineMy reference to Mr. Peabody probably isn't making me looking young & hip either. 2018-01-05T18:07:15+00:00monthlyhttps://tessarexroat.com/about/https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/08/les-yeux-no-hickey.jpgles yeuxI am not actually Frenchhttps://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/08/n507604655_1252416_4511.jpgmehttps://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/08/n507604655_1252511_5009.jpgTessathis is how I dress every day2018-01-05T05:00:36+00:00weekly0.6https://tessarexroat.com/2018/01/04/the-moon-landing-happened/2018-01-05T16:59:41+00:00monthlyhttps://tessarexroat.com/2018/01/03/book-summaries/https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/how-this-book-was-made.jpghow this book was madehttps://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/we-found-a-hat.jpgwe found a hathttps://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/click-clack-moo.jpgclick clack moohttps://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/ramayana.jpgramayanahttps://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/cat-in-the-hat.pngcat-in-the-hathttps://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/dragons-love-tacos.jpgdragons love tacoshttps://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/dinotopia.jpgdinotopiahttps://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/sarah-and-duck.jpgsarah and duck2018-01-03T18:05:53+00:00monthlyhttps://tessarexroat.com/2018/01/02/bad-advice-future-dating-tips/https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/crying-writer.jpgcrying writerBelieve me; I dated a poet once.https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/covering-ears.jpgcovering earsLa la la... I'm not listening!https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/face-in-mirror.jpgface in mirrorAlthough sometimes I get distracted by how gorgeous I am. https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/boring-party-3.jpgboring partyGET. ME. OUT OF HERE. https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/boring-party-2.jpgboring party 2https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/boring-party.jpgboring partyYaaaaay... this is so much fuuuuuun... https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/cringe.pngcringeThe facial expression I'm hoping for.https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/screaming_newborn.jpgscreaming newbornNot as fun as they're rumored to be! https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/dread_pirate_roberts.jpgdread_pirate_robertsAnyone who says differently is selling something. https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/eye-roll-tina.gifEye-roll-Tina2018-01-02T18:40:12+00:00monthlyhttps://tessarexroat.com/2017/12/20/gaslighting-baby/https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/12/little-newborn-baby-boy-14-days-sleeps.jpgLittle-newborn-baby-boy-14-days-sleepsYes. I said it. It's the baby's fault. https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/12/mom-and-baby.jpgMom-and-babyHow every other mother experiences life.https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/12/mannequin.jpgmannequinThis is your mother now.https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/12/opera-singer.jpgopera singerStill living in his mother's basement. https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/12/disheveled.jpgdisheveledMaybe a little mascara would help put your look back together!https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/12/bardot.jpgbardotLeft: Every other mom at the park. Right: Me. https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/12/laughing-baby.jpglaughing babyOH GOD, WHAT'S WRONG WITH HIS FACE? CALL THE DOC- oh, wait, that's a giggle. 2017-12-20T18:23:12+00:00monthlyhttps://tessarexroat.com/2017/12/19/library-of-congress/https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/12/library-stand.jpglibrary standhttps://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/12/library-kit.jpglibrary kithttps://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/12/yanks-in-germany.jpgyanks in germanyhttps://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/12/farenheit-451-pin.jpgfarenheit 451 pinhttps://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/12/ring.jpgringhttps://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/12/skylight-ornament.jpgskylight ornamenthttps://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/12/pennant.jpgpennanthttps://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/12/book-dishes.jpgbook disheshttps://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/12/portable-desk.jpgportable deskhttps://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/12/book-lamp.jpgbook lamp2017-12-19T18:38:53+00:00monthlyhttps://tessarexroat.com/2017/12/15/the-virtues-of-boredom/https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/12/ice-cream.jpgice creamEd. Note: I have not yet actually found a way to eat ice cream for dinner every night, or at least not without significant drawbacks.https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/12/crying-baby.jpgcrying babyI can't imagine why I felt the need to have non-infant sounds in my world. https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/12/sad-puppy.jpgsad puppyIt was a lot like this, only I'm not nearly as cute as this puppy. https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/12/espionagewomen.jpgespionageAm I going to pick up a gallon of milk, or make a drop for the contact I've been cultivating in the embassy? NO ONE KNOWS!https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/12/angry-mob.jpgangry-mobGo back to CA, hippie! 2017-12-15T17:59:09+00:00monthlyhttps://tessarexroat.com/2017/12/13/story-of-christmas/https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/12/bigfoot-christmas.jpgbigfoot-christmasThis story has gotten way out of control. https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/12/donkey.jpgdonkeyHe wants cuddles.https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/12/woman-screaming_large.jpgwoman-screaming_largeTHIS ISN'T HELPING ME CENTER MY BREATHING, JOhttps://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/12/kid-watching-tv.jpgkid-watching-tv"Quiet mother; this is my only god now."https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/12/birds-and-bees.jpgBirds-and-BeesYeah, I should probably think about this conversation too. https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/12/nativity-scene.jpgnativity sceneWe're about to blow this nativity scene WIDE OPEN.https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/12/femme-jesus.jpgfemme jesusLet's be real: Jesus was probably fabulous with a contour brush. https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/12/columbus.jpegcolumbusThe face of a man who managed to commit genocide AND start the world-wide spread syphilis, all in one year!https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/12/party-jesus.jpgparty jesus2017-12-13T18:46:59+00:00monthlyhttps://tessarexroat.com/2017/12/12/threenager/https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/12/lava.jpglavaLook at this wuss. I don't even need a protective suit! https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/12/aztec-sacrifice.gifaztec sacrificeExactly.https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/12/running-away.jpgrunning awayLittle does he know how tempting that sounds.https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/12/cupcakes.jpegcupcakesYOU MONSTER!https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/12/cheeto.jpgcheetoThat's an unfair comparison to the noble Cheeto.https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/12/frat-boys.jpegfrat boysHe **does** own an awful lot of colorful shorts. https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/12/kite.jpgkiteOooh... look at all the pretty colors.... 2017-12-12T18:04:48+00:00monthlyhttps://tessarexroat.com/2017/12/08/just-sick/https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/12/warf.jpgWarfThe only thing that actually made me feel better.https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/12/crackers.jpgcrackersFor real, if one more person told me I just needed to nibble on some saltines, I was going to destroy everything. https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/12/sick-in-bed.jpgsick in bedLuckily for her, it's very hard to plot assassination attempts from under the covers. https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/12/pregnant-yoga-1-850x806.jpgpregnant-yoga-1-850x806"Ugh, and it took me a whole week to drop all that pregnancy weight!" https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/12/waiting-cat.jpgwaiting catMe, wistfully remembering a time when I didn't have an intimate relationship with my gag reflex. https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/12/nurse-jumping.jpgnurse-jumpingI know she was doing her job, but seriously?!https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/12/blastocyst.pngblastocyst"Congratulations, it's a rapidly dividing ball of cells!" "THEN WHY DOES IT HATE ME???" 2017-12-08T18:24:33+00:00monthlyhttps://tessarexroat.com/2017/12/06/for-the-parent-you-hate/https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/12/puppy.jpgpuppyAw, who's a little fuzzy part-time job? You are! Yes, you are!https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/12/pee-poo-duo-ihop.jpgpee-poo-duo-ihopFun for the whole family!https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/12/huge-train.jpghuge trainJust think! He can ride it over... and over... and over... and over... and over... https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/12/creepy-monkey.jpgcreepy monkey"Why won't you love me?"https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/12/furby.jpgfurbyFurby must have damn good lawyers, because I can't believe there's never been a horror movie made about them.https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/12/tiny-toy-parts.jpgtiny toy partsA world of fun for her, a safety hazard for you!https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/12/kids-candy.jpgkids-candyDid you know you can buy bulk bags of ONLY THE MARSHMALLOWS from cereal? It's a beautiful world, isn't it?https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/12/gak.jpggakDripping soon onto a carpet near you!https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/12/screaming-frog.jpgscreaming frogHe's screaming in terror at the thought of an enthusiastic four year old.https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/12/glitter-bomb.jpgglitter bombMy own personal heaven.2017-12-07T01:53:22+00:00monthlyhttps://tessarexroat.com/2017/12/07/burn-it-all-down/2017-12-06T04:34:44+00:00monthlyhttps://tessarexroat.com/2017/12/05/anxiety-life-hacks/https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/12/naps.jpgnapshttps://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/12/mean-girls.jpgmean girlsThis documentary will help you understand. https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/12/drill-sergeant.jpgdrill sergeantYour parents are deeply disappointed with you as a human being, soldier! https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/12/naked.jpgnakedUnless you look like this. Then go away, you're not welcome here. https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/12/fly-swarm.jpgfly swarmAnd now I'm going to feel phantom flies all over me for the rest of the day. https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/12/tiger-through-flames.jpgtiger through flamesTo be fair, you'll look pretty bad ass. https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/12/party.jpgpartyAny party I throw must include champagne2017-12-05T19:10:43+00:00monthlyhttps://tessarexroat.com/2017/12/05/dubious-super-powers/2017-12-05T19:09:49+00:00monthlyhttps://tessarexroat.com/2017/12/01/my-struggle/https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/12/pinterest-for-parents.jpgPinterest for parentsSimultaneously the best and worst thing to happen to parenting since disposable diapers. https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/12/time.jpgtimeEventually, time loses all meaning and you enter into a fugue state.https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/12/embarrassed-teen.jpgembarrassed teenWait, did I just type that out loud? https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/12/gravel.jpggravelSeriously. This picture is challenging you to a staring contest. Guess who's going to win? https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/12/oh-no.jpgOh-noI can see the therapy bills coming my way alreadyhttps://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/12/snail-race.jpgsnail raceMaybe I should take up racing snails; seems like it would be more exciting. https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/12/rocks.jpgrocksPictured: my parents' house. https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/12/latte.jpglatteYes, I bring lattes on nature walks. No, I don't see anything weird about that. https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/12/slow-down.jpgSLOW DOWNYOU GUYS, IT'S A SNAIL RIDING A BABY TURTLE!! This is the only time this quantity of slow is allowed. https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/12/mein-swag.jpgmein swagAnyway, there's no denying the man was a fabulous dresser.2017-12-01T18:15:13+00:00monthlyhttps://tessarexroat.com/2017/11/29/pro-tip/https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/jesus.jpgjesus"You're welcome!"https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/sun-damage.jpgsun-damage"I never wore sunscreen a day in my life!" https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/messy-house.jpgmessy houseIf I won the lottery I would literally spend all of it on paying other people to clean my shit up for me. https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/rabbit-bath.jpgrabbit bathI Googled "relaxing bath" and found this rabbit. He knows what's up. https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/joseph-ducreux-wine-meme.jpgjoseph ducreux wine memehttps://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/lipstick-on-teeth.jpglipstick on teethBut it looks so good! https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/red-shoes.jpgred shoesSeriously though. Just think about it. https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/play-doh.jpgplay dohI was looking for a picture of Play Doh on someone's hands, and found this. 2017-11-29T18:16:00+00:00monthlyhttps://tessarexroat.com/2017/11/17/the-best-presents-of-2017/https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/bookshelf.jpgbookshelfSide note: as an adult, I would actually be THRILLED to get a bookshelf. https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/step-stool.jpgstep stoolYaaaay... I'll be able to reach things that I previously could not reach... https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/leather-sofa.jpgleather sofaI think I had a therapist with this couch once. https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/kitchen.jpgkitchenHer expression says it all.https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/food-truck.jpgfood truckI'm pretty sure they only ship this toy to Austin. https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/steampunk.jpgsteampunkOkay, I've gotta admit, Professor Whiskerton is a fantastic name. https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/stationary-bike.jpgstationary bikeMy favorite part is how they tried to make it look like he was furiously pedaling, as fast as his tiny little legs would go. https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/burning-money.jpgburning moneyActually, that's a pretty apt metaphor for parenting in general. https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/tiger.jpgtigerWhy does it come with a tiny rubber chicken? I'm so confused. 2017-11-17T18:41:45+00:00monthlyhttps://tessarexroat.com/2017/11/15/entertaining-your-baby-with-garbage/https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/fabulous-sloth.jpgfabulous slothhttps://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/blue-painters-tape.jpgBLUE PAINTERS TAPEYou'll need at least this much to start. https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/tissues-on-floor.pngTissues-on-floorWhat could possibly go wrong?https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/click-pen.jpgclick penClick... Click... Click... Clickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclick...https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/clothespins.jpgclothespins**insert the sound of my kid laughing in manic glee**https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/colander-pipe-cleaners.jpgcolander pipe cleanersIt's art!https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/poker-baby.jpgpoker babyThink of the skills they'll pick up along the way!https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/water-bottle.jpgwater bottleSomewhere, sometime, someone needed to make a graphic positioning water bottles like super heroes. I'm just surprised they didn't throw in a cape. https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/gold-fidget-spinner.jpggold fidget spinnerThat gold plated fidget spinner still won't keep him from putting you in the old folks' home. https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/kid-in-trash.jpgkid in trashThe only time it's acceptable for a kid to be in a trash can. 2017-11-15T18:10:00+00:00monthlyhttps://tessarexroat.com/2017/11/16/cannibal_3_year_old/2017-11-15T17:09:20+00:00monthlyhttps://tessarexroat.com/2017/11/14/am-i-a-psychopath/https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/hangry.jpghangryFEED MEhttps://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/santa.jpgsantaNo comment. https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/darth-vader.jpgdarth vaderThe light saber battle was really just Darth trying to go to the bathroom on his own. https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/scribble.jpgscribbleThis is the best fairy princess unicorn ninja I've ever seen! https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/zen.jpgzenNirvana is letting my kid scream for twenty minutes in a parking lot, and just not giving a fuck.https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/mother.jpgmotherWe live as one hive mind now. https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/pennies.jpgpenniesToddler wealth is measured in grossness value, along with the danger-to-self index. 2017-11-14T18:23:17+00:00monthlyhttps://tessarexroat.com/contact/https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/08/cherry-blossoms-in-my-hair.jpgyours truly2017-11-08T18:59:23+00:00weekly0.6https://tessarexroat.com/2017/11/09/3_year_old_sayings/https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/thats-what-she-said.jpgthat's what she saidhttps://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/mary-poppins-umbrealla.jpgMary Poppins UmbreallaWas there a sword hidden in her umbrella's handle?https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/scooter.jpegscooterThat's your solution to every problem! 2017-11-08T18:18:04+00:00monthlyhttps://tessarexroat.com/2017/11/08/so-you-want-to-raise-a-dictator/https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/dr-evil.jpgDr EvilYou had to know this picture was coming eventually. https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/king-baby.jpgKing Babyhttps://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/octopuppy.jpgOctopuppyhttps://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/monster-needs-your-vote.jpgMonster Needs Your Votehttps://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/jeremiah-jellyfish.jpgJeremiah Jellyfishhttps://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/louise.jpgLouisehttps://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/weasels.jpgWeasels2017-11-08T17:47:55+00:00monthlyhttps://tessarexroat.com/2017/11/07/waiting-and-waiting/2017-11-07T17:57:55+00:00monthlyhttps://tessarexroat.com/2017/11/07/baby_alarm/https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/sleep.jpgsleepIt's so beautiful, I can barely stand to look at ithttps://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/comet.jpgcometThat... was not my best metaphor. https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/igor.jpgIgorThat new-mother glow! https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/wolf-cub.jpgwolf cubTheir babies are also a lot cuter and fuzzier than ours. It's just a fact. https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/surveillance.jpgsurveillanceHoney, I think we need another baby camera. #NotJoking2017-11-07T17:53:37+00:00monthlyhttps://tessarexroat.com/2017/11/03/are-single-children-the-worst/https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/viking-dinosaur.jpgviking dinosaurAbove: All of his dreams coming true. https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/children-for-sale.jpgchildren for saleIronically, this is the only solution I can think of. https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/morning_sickness.jpgMorning SicknessJust the worst. https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/cups-of-coffee.jpgcups of coffeeAnd when I say **A** cup of coffee, I really mean...https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/devil-baby.jpgdevil babyAll babies are secretly harboring evil deep within. https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/cute-puppies.jpgcute puppiesWe always got along like perfect angels! (don't ask my mom)https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/old-hat-lady.jpgold hat ladyThis broad knows how to live!https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/worried-mom.jpegworried momLiterally the look on my face for the rest of the day.https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/worldme.jpgcenter of the universeHey, considering how long it took us to figure out we revolve around the sun, it could be a couple of millennia before he figures out this diagram is wrong too. https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/crossed-fingers.jpgcrossed fingersNot that I'm superstitious or anything.2017-11-04T05:29:21+00:00monthlyhttps://tessarexroat.com/2017/11/01/how-to-halloween/https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/homer-candy.jpghomer candyhttps://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/hamilton-costume.jpghamilton costumeI saw at least three of these, roaming the streets of Berkeley and singing showtunes at the top of their lungs.https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/tiny-brain.jpgtiny brainA medically accurate image of the average 12 year old's brain. https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/cold-beer.jpgcold beerThe pot of gold at the end of my rainbow.https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/dog-hoodie.jpgdog hoodieGod dammit, they even make one for DOGS?!https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/sarah.pngSarahIn this family, we smash the patriarchy by dressing as cartoon characters. OF THE OPPOSITE GENDER! https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/fright-lights.jpgfright lightsFancy AF.https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/screaming.jpgscreamingNOOOOOOOOOOOO!https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/messy-spaghetti.jpgmessy kidThis was actually the clean part. https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/lite-brite.jpglite briteBecause nothing says "Halloween" quite like a glowing clown grinning at you. 2017-11-01T17:17:19+00:00monthlyhttps://tessarexroat.com/2017/10/31/so-you-want-to-be-a-parent/https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/10/knife.jpgknifeI'm not saying parenting might send you into a murderous rage, but I'm not NOT saying it.https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/10/laundry-pile.jpglaundry pileI know I left the baby somewhere in there...https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/10/friends.jpgfriendsI tried to find a generic picture of friends, but this is all the internet would give me. https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/10/no-sex.jpgno sexDon't. Touch. Me. https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/10/money-bags.jpgmoney bagsSeen here: Your child's preschool teacher. https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/10/sad-dog.jpgsad dogRemember when you had time for me?https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/10/pigpen.jpgPigpenTo be fair, it's a good look.https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/10/molly-ringwald.jpgmolly-ringwaldUnless you're Molly Ringwald. I could never stay mad at you, Molly!https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/10/comfy-bed.jpgcomfy bedYou have no idea how painful it is for me to look at this picture. https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/10/koala.jpgkoalaLike this, only you're the tree. 2017-10-31T17:15:22+00:00monthlyhttps://tessarexroat.com/2017/10/24/poop/https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/10/alien-baby.jpgalien babyHopefully yours is cuter than this one. https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/10/whittling.jpgwhittlingI was basically this guy.https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/10/baby-sloth.jpgbaby slothOkay, time for more cute baby animals! https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/10/chocolatehh1.jpgChocolateI've ruined chocolate forever now, haven't I? https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/10/diaper-butt.jpgdiaper buttThis.https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/10/happy-pregnant-woman.jpghappy pregnant womanMy pregnant body hasn't betrayed me for ten whole minutes! https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/10/hedgehog.jpgHedgehogOkay, we need a break. Here's a hedgehog, begging for belly rubs.https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/10/blastocyst.pngblastocystPictured here: the bane of my existence/future heir. https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/10/jamie-lee-curtis-my-life-article.jpgJamie Lee CurtisHella regular!https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/10/celebration.jpgcelebrationHooray, just what we always wanted!2017-10-24T17:35:32+00:00monthlyhttps://tessarexroat.com/2017/10/20/preschool_philosophy/https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/10/brain-hurts.jpgbrain hurtsOw.https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/10/rene-descartes.jpgrene descartesDescartes was an asshole. https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/10/cats-musical.jpgcats the musicalI'd be pretty freaked out if I thought this was my future too. https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/10/theory-of-everything.jpgtheory of everythingHere's some bedtime reading that'll help. https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/10/god.jpggodPictured: Me.https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/10/college-students.jpgcollege studentsLet's sit on the quad and have deep thoughts!2017-10-20T16:44:14+00:00monthlyhttps://tessarexroat.com/2017/10/17/books-for-the-baby-rebel/https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/10/miss-rumphius.jpgmiss rumphiushttps://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/10/nobody-likes-a-goblin.jpgnobody likes a goblinhttps://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/10/instructions-gaiman.jpginstructions gaimanhttps://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/10/the-cat-in-the-hat.jpgthe cat in the hathttps://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/10/but-not-the-hippopotamus.jpgbut not the hippopotamushttps://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/10/click-clack-moo.jpgclick clack moohttps://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/10/book_house.jpgbook houseBut how are you supposed to read them?!2017-10-20T15:59:20+00:00monthlyhttps://tessarexroat.com/2017/09/27/how-to-entertain-a-toddler-in-easy-steps/https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/toddler-leash.jpgtoddler leashTHIS IS WHY PEOPLE PUT YOU THINGS ON LEASHES, JERMAINE! https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/kids-movies.pngkids moviesGo nuts, I've memorized them all anyway.https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/bribing-your-kid.jpgbribing your kidLet's be real here: we all know which way this is going.https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/exploding-trucks.jpgexploding trucksThis.https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/endless-hallway.jpgendless hallwayYou never noticed how long your hallway is before... https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/evil-baby.jpgevil babyIt would explain a few things.https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/mummy-cat.jpgmummy catMummy cat will haunt your dreams. https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/coffee.jpgwarm cup of ciffeeSweet, sweet coffee2017-09-27T17:19:20+00:00monthlyhttps://tessarexroat.com/2017/09/26/grown-ups-ruin-mary-poppins/https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/punching-through-a-hat.jpgpunching through a hatSeriously, the way they fire him is by punching through his hat. https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/mary-poppins.jpgmary poppinsLiterally the only music I'm allowed to listen to these days. https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/urchins.jpgurchinsSupercalifragilisticexpialidocious won't put a roof over your head.https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/bank-run.jpgbank runThere's nothing funny about economic collapse. https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/edwardian-votes-for-women.jpgedwardian votes for womenNow these are some badass motherfuckers. https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/dick-van-dyke.jpgdick van dykeJust try to resist those charms!https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/votes-for-women.jpgVotes For WomenThis was back when underwear started at the knee2017-09-26T17:16:43+00:00monthlyhttps://tessarexroat.com/2017/09/20/bad-advice-a-waste-of-resources/https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/clare-danes-crying.jpgclare danes cryingJust lean into it.https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/sound-system.jpgsound systemDid I mention it goes IN YOUR VAGINA?https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/victorian-diaper.jpgvictorian diaperCheck out how happy this baby is!https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/scarlett-ohara.jpgscarlett o'haraI mean, I'm not gonna lie; she was killing it.https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/spatula.jpgspatulaAnd if you do get one, please keep a separate one for the kitchen. That's all I ask. https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/dresser-changing-table.jpgdresser changing tableI can't think of a funny caption for this. It's a dresser. Used as a changing table. https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/super-glue-dog.pngsuper glue dogThere are plenty of other ways to waste perfectly good glue.https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/princess-baby.jpgprincess babyBut Mooooooom, didn't you see my crown??https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/baby-butt.jpgbaby buttI'm not denying it; they ARE the cutest part of a babyhttps://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/spa-baby.jpgspa babyBasically2017-09-20T17:25:20+00:00monthlyhttps://tessarexroat.com/2017/09/12/babybrain/https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/80s-style.jpg80s styleYou have to admit, it's a classic look.https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/sleeping-baby.jpgsleeping babyJerk. https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/mommy-brian.jpgmommy brainLiterally truehttps://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/accordion-player.jpgaccordion playerImagine where the future may lead!https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/baby-and-cat.jpgbaby and catOkay, I'm not a monster, even I think this looks cute. I mean, the little kitty is so fuzzy and floppy! Awwwwhttps://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/50s-cocktail-party1.jpgCocktail Party"Did you read that New York Times article about terribly important grown up things?" "No, but I know all about lanolin!"https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/pooping-baby.jpgpooping babyFear the pooping facehttps://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/et-alien-movies.jpgETOr maybe it's aliens!https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/oscar-can.pngOscar the GrouchNot that there's anything wrong with garbage2017-09-12T21:49:29+00:00monthlyhttps://tessarexroat.com/2017/08/09/bad-advice/https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/08/baby-in-sunglasses.jpgbaby in sunglassesThere is literally nothing cooler than a baby in sunglasses.https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/08/smug-obama.jpgsmug ObamaKeep it to a classy, Obama-watching-the-world-burn level of smug.https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/08/wolverine.jpgwolverineSeen here: your babyhttps://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/07/ducky.jpgducky bathtubYour new favorite inanimate object! https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/07/baby-elephant-2.jpgbaby elephant IINo seriously, have you considered adopting a baby elephant instead? I bet they never get weird skin conditions purely because they existhttps://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/07/baby-elephant.jpgbaby elephantIt's too gross to show a picture of. Here's a baby elephant instead! https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/02/baby-boombox.jpgbaby boomboxThe day he figured out how to make the music play on its own? MIND. BLOWN. https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/02/mobile.jpgmobileThe only way we ever drove more than three blocks without tearshttps://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/02/freddie-firefly.jpgfreddie fireflyWorth its weight in goldhttps://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/02/white-noise.jpgwhite-noisePro tip: radio stations between channels work well too, and in a pinch there are some youtube channels that will just play you white noise till you lose your mind/fall into blissful sleep2017-08-09T18:29:48+00:00monthlyhttps://tessarexroat.com/2016/03/16/a-real-pain-in-the-ass/https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/03/votive-candle.jpgvotive candlehttps://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/03/spintery-wood.jpgspintery woodhttps://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/03/angry-cat.jpgangry cat2016-03-16T21:52:02+00:00monthlyhttps://tessarexroat.com/2016/03/01/stop-thief/2016-03-02T03:51:18+00:00monthlyhttps://tessarexroat.com/2015/12/20/a-new-entry/2015-12-20T22:30:53+00:00monthlyhttps://tessarexroat.com/2013/05/23/overheard-foods/2013-05-23T17:14:47+00:00monthlyhttps://tessarexroat.com/2013/03/22/ow/2013-03-22T18:43:30+00:00monthlyhttps://tessarexroat.com/2013/03/13/popiness/2013-03-13T21:25:54+00:00monthlyhttps://tessarexroat.com/2013/03/13/androids-homosexuality/2013-03-13T17:34:42+00:00monthlyhttps://tessarexroat.com/2013/02/28/stillness/2013-02-28T19:29:03+00:00monthlyhttps://tessarexroat.com/2013/02/13/embarrassing/2013-02-14T01:03:06+00:00monthlyhttps://tessarexroat.com/2013/01/31/king_arthur/2013-01-31T22:26:48+00:00monthlyhttps://tessarexroat.com/2012/11/30/mario_toilet/2012-12-01T00:25:36+00:00monthlyhttps://tessarexroat.com/2012/11/29/ho-ho-ho/2012-11-29T17:35:23+00:00monthlyhttps://tessarexroat.com/2012/08/02/head-wound/2012-08-02T21:14:30+00:00monthlyhttps://tessarexroat.com/2012/07/30/learned-watching-olympics/2012-07-30T17:39:44+00:00monthlyhttps://tessarexroat.com/2012/07/20/7-reasons-heart-etsy/2012-07-20T22:24:48+00:00monthlyhttps://tessarexroat.com/2012/07/19/dont_panic/2012-07-19T15:58:56+00:00monthlyhttps://tessarexroat.com/2012/07/18/messiah-madness/2012-07-18T18:53:48+00:00monthlyhttps://tessarexroat.com/2012/06/29/literary-disease/2012-06-29T22:56:35+00:00monthlyhttps://tessarexroat.com/2012/06/25/warn-shit/2012-06-25T18:47:43+00:00monthlyhttps://tessarexroat.com/2012/05/23/todays-checklist/2012-05-23T17:08:08+00:00monthlyhttps://tessarexroat.com/2012/05/21/latex-gloves/2012-05-21T17:02:18+00:00monthlyhttps://tessarexroat.com/2012/05/21/pay-insolence/2012-05-21T15:57:14+00:00monthlyhttps://tessarexroat.com/2012/05/15/robots-russians-unicorns/2012-05-15T17:01:26+00:00monthlyhttps://tessarexroat.com/2012/05/11/boobs/2012-05-11T18:33:19+00:00monthlyhttps://tessarexroat.com/2012/05/08/hear/2012-05-08T18:43:05+00:00monthlyhttps://tessarexroat.com/2012/04/27/80s/2012-04-27T17:17:28+00:00monthlyhttps://tessarexroat.com/2012/04/25/truths-children/2012-04-25T17:47:26+00:00monthlyhttps://tessarexroat.com/2012/04/25/reasons-marry/2012-04-25T17:26:22+00:00monthlyhttps://tessarexroat.com/2012/04/24/lies-children/2012-04-24T17:47:17+00:00monthlyhttps://tessarexroat.com/2012/04/13/orange_chair/2012-04-13T19:21:00+00:00monthlyhttps://tessarexroat.com/2012/04/11/ottoman_adjustments/2012-04-11T18:53:19+00:00monthlyhttps://tessarexroat.com/2012/04/09/cookie_haiku/2012-04-09T16:39:59+00:00monthlyhttps://tessarexroat.com/2012/04/06/the_girls/2012-04-06T17:43:23+00:00monthlyhttps://tessarexroat.com/2012/03/30/butt_cancer/2012-03-30T17:58:44+00:00monthlyhttps://tessarexroat.com/2011/12/09/depressing/2012-01-05T01:42:46+00:00monthlyhttps://tessarexroat.com/2011/11/09/betty_boop/2011-11-09T18:38:58+00:00monthlyhttps://tessarexroat.com/2011/11/04/halloween/2011-11-04T19:20:29+00:00monthlyhttps://tessarexroat.com/2011/05/12/vignette-camera-app/2011-05-12T14:29:08+00:00monthlyhttps://tessarexroat.com/2011/05/11/mothers-day-card/2011-05-11T14:26:59+00:00monthlyhttps://tessarexroat.com/2011/05/05/happy-cinco-de-mayo/2011-05-05T16:07:03+00:00monthlyhttps://tessarexroat.com/2011/04/26/bigger-on-the-inside/2011-04-26T18:23:42+00:00monthlyhttps://tessarexroat.com/2011/04/20/where-ive-been/2011-04-20T17:14:59+00:00monthlyhttps://tessarexroat.com/2011/02/03/money-origami/2011-02-09T17:33:04+00:00monthlyhttps://tessarexroat.com/2011/02/02/constellation_valentines/2011-02-02T21:34:20+00:00monthlyhttps://tessarexroat.com/2011/01/26/knotty-2/2011-12-09T17:38:34+00:00monthlyhttps://tessarexroat.com/2011/01/25/household-disasters/2011-01-25T16:12:00+00:00monthlyhttps://tessarexroat.com/2011/01/24/leaning-towers/2011-01-24T20:10:51+00:00monthlyhttps://tessarexroat.com/2010/10/13/gmail-fail/2010-10-13T13:26:43+00:00monthlyhttps://tessarexroat.com/2010/10/13/waiting-elmo/2010-10-13T06:34:35+00:00monthlyhttps://tessarexroat.com/2010/10/05/tempest/2010-10-05T19:27:41+00:00monthlyhttps://tessarexroat.com/2010/10/01/crayola-color-eyes/2010-10-07T15:02:33+00:00monthlyhttps://tessarexroat.com/2010/09/30/klingon-shakespeare/2010-09-30T20:17:17+00:00monthlyhttps://tessarexroat.com/2010/09/21/love-good-book/2010-09-26T03:17:52+00:00monthlyhttps://tessarexroat.com/2010/09/14/comprehend/2010-09-15T12:07:48+00:00monthlyhttps://tessarexroat.com/2010/08/27/poet-laureates-toddlers/2010-08-27T14:59:37+00:00monthlyhttps://tessarexroat.com/2010/08/25/love-love/2010-08-25T20:31:18+00:00monthlyhttps://tessarexroat.com/2010/08/23/diy-dress-forms/2010-10-12T23:59:58+00:00monthlyhttps://tessarexroat.com/2010/08/23/park-slope-babies/2010-08-23T18:04:35+00:00monthlyhttps://tessarexroat.com/2010/08/20/moose-murders/2010-08-20T15:18:09+00:00monthlyhttps://tessarexroat.com/2010/08/17/an-islamic-propsal/https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/08/thomas-jefferson-picture.jpgThomas JeffersonObligatory Founding Father referecehttps://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/08/snakes_on_a_plane-650.jpgSnakes on a PlaneObligatory Snakes on a Plane reference2010-08-20T11:03:12+00:00monthlyhttps://tessarexroat.com/2010/08/13/knew-it/https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/08/58-athens-cheers-to-caffein.jpgCheers to caffeine!the author, enjoying a cup of the good stuff2010-08-13T18:32:56+00:00monthlyhttps://tessarexroat.com/2010/08/11/66/https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/08/end-of-the-world.jpgthe end of the worldartist's rendition of a word insurgency2010-08-11T19:22:50+00:00monthlyhttps://tessarexroat.com/2010/08/10/shawarma/https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/08/dsc_0189-e1281470709666.jpgmmmmmm...Seriously, doesn't this look delicious?2010-08-10T20:10:38+00:00monthlyhttps://tessarexroat.com/2010/08/09/rip-childhood-hopes-dreams/https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/08/088.jpgCan you see the disbelief in his eyes as he discovers his existence is merely another one of science's heartbreaking fabrications? We won't even discuss the brontosaurus.https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/08/112.jpgAnother spirit, soon to be broken by the discovery that the triceratops is no more.Note the look of awe and wonder in the small child's gaze.https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/08/images1.jpgimageshttps://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/08/images.jpgLand Before Recent Scientific DevelopmentsWhy would Land Before Time lie to me?https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/08/cera-char-e1281383204665.jpgcera-charhttps://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/08/land-before-time-cera-cartoon-1-e1281383138382.gifLand Before Time Cera Cartoon,.12010-08-09T20:11:02+00:00monthlyhttps://tessarexroat.com/2010/08/06/oh-canada/https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/08/imag0126.jpgNiagara Falls2010-08-06T20:37:39+00:00monthlyhttps://tessarexroat.com/2010/08/05/fourth-degree/https://tessarexroat.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/08/will-hipster.jpgThe BardHow I imagine him. Note the beret.2010-08-06T19:23:50+00:00monthlyhttps://tessarexroat.com/2010/08/05/my-love-of-xkcd/2010-08-05T18:44:15+00:00monthlyhttps://tessarexroat.comdaily1.02019-08-31T20:01:28+00:00