A week ago my young man and I went to Niagra Falls – it was the first time for me! And while I couldn’t help but keep thinking about the Marilyn Monroe movie, it was pretty all right even without Hitchcock.

Two things really stood out to me: the first was Canada. Dude. Canada totally kicks our butt! It was clean and lovely and well-maintained. The garishly tourist parts were at least disguised inside beautiful old stone buildings, and I get the feeling they monetized the whole event with true finesse. We laid down $80 on a truly mediocre lunch, and felt like it was completely worth it. We spent what amounts to about $20 each to see an embarrassingly bad cartoon about the formation of the falls and again – worth it. I’m pretty sure Canada put some sort of brain-washing, money-spending zombie powder in the water.

Secondly, it was the Maid of the Mist. It was literally one of those once-in-a-lifetime (or actually as many times as you want I guess) experiences, packed onto a boat with a bunch of strangers, everyone wearing trashbag-cum-ponchos, sailing straight into the middle of the falls. And when I say “in the middle” I really mean “hey, back this thing up, I don’t know if this is legal!” close. No one could keep their eyes open for more than a few seconds at a time because of the wind and the spray, you could hardly hear anyone near you, and I couldn’t stop smiling for at least an hour afterward.

My conclusion: natural wonders really and truly are wonderful, and Canada is plotting to undermine the world economy via tourism dollars.