The Significant Other and I have been known to enjoy a nice bottle of wine from time to time, and this Saturday was no different – we stopped off at a local wine store and picked up a nice French red to have with dinner (mmmm… pesto pasta…)
Only one problem: This was the cork from Hell.
The following is a list of tools and strategies we tried to get this thing out:
- standard corkscrew, used in the standard manner
- standard corkscrew, between the knees, with copious grunting
- standard corkscrew, “Here, let me do it…”
- standard corkscrew, carving out small chunks from the top of the cork
- butter knife, trying to push the cork into the bottle
- screw driver w/ socket head, trying to push the cork into the bottle (“Jesus, this thing is really in there!”)
- flathead screwdriver, trying to carve cork out
- standard corkscrew, carving out small chunks from the top of the cork (take two)
- flathead screw driver hit with a hammer, trying to puncture a hole in the cork to release presumed pressure from inside the bottle
Finally we managed to get the cork to shove into the bottle, releasing a spray of wine all over my head, along with several bits of cork that stuck in my hair like brains in Samuel L Jackson’s ‘fro in Pulp Fiction.
At any rate, the important point is that we had access to our wine! The problem was that by that time we had done our best to completely destroy the cork, and there were little pieces floating in it that not even decanting could get out.
But do I let cork come between me and my wine? No! Break out the coffee filter!
…and that is how Saturday night’s dinner was saved. Don’t you love a happy ending?