What Not To Do

What not to do when you hit your head on the medicine cabinet:

visual approximation

  • Sit on the floor and cry.
  • Realize you’re bleeding and panic.
  • Realize you’re bleeding from a perfectly square hole in your scalp where you’ve been effectively hole-punched by the mirror corner and get blood in your eyes frantically trying to change the laws of perspective so you can see it in the mirror.
  • Get even more blood in your eyes trying to use two hand mirrors along with the mirror on the Medicine Cabinet Of Doom. Continue to fail to see said hole-in-head.
  • Imagine that you can probably see all the way down to your skull, and that it’s probably for the best that it’s at such an awkward non-visible angle.
  • Wonder if you need stitches, decide you can’t possibly drive yourself to the hospital so it’s a moot point, forget that the hospital is only a block away.
  • Wonder if the cats are circling out of sympathy, or because they’re planning to eat your brains through the hole in your head once you pass out from blood loss.
  • Hyperventilate just a touch.
  • Let every frozen vegetable in your freezer thaw out on your head, do the math, realize you just effectively bought a $25 one-use ice pack.
  • Vow to be a grown-up and buy an actual ice pack later. (Never actually buy said ice pack)
  • Freak out and get husband to come home from work.
  • While waiting for him watch dinosaur documentaries, realize it’s not actually so bad once you’re sitting still and distracted.
  • Kiss him when he rushes in the door in emergency mode and tell him it’s really nothing, why is he so worried?

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