This story begins before Valentine's Day. I came home, and my sweet uncle who's way too generous with his time and resources (which I take full advantage of) had bought an enormous bouquet of red roses from Whole Foods, because apparently the Kraken saw them and insisted I needed one. They sat on the mantle … Continue reading Am I Becoming A Witch?
Somebody Send an Exorcist
I had a major mom-win this week: Ghost Repellent Spray. Let me explain. Ever since the Kraken could talk, he's been talking about the ghosts that live in his bedroom walls. He throws them into conversation matter-of-factly, the same way that he mentions there's a dog down the street. When this happens we work really, … Continue reading Somebody Send an Exorcist
Bad Advice: Oompa Loompas Are The Third Rail
Here's the thing you need to know if you work in a chocolate factory: all anyone knows is what they've seen in Willy Wonka. This is important. When someone walks into a dentist's office, they have all sorts of idea about what might happen, from what they learned on Sesame Street to the story they … Continue reading Bad Advice: Oompa Loompas Are The Third Rail
The Virtues of Boredom
Growing up, I was always reading. Not just books snuck under my desk when we were supposed to be doing useless things like math, but umbrella warning labels on the sidewalk, or the active ingredients list on toothpaste tubes. I'm sure I'm not the only one who had a weird compulsion to read every word … Continue reading The Virtues of Boredom
A Real Pain in the Ass
The most romantic time I ever got a splinter removed from my butt.
Overheard at Whole Foods
"I know. Me. Driving. Kids. To Yosemite." -20-something Woman buying a baguette, mini-quinoa salad, and chamagne, talking into a pink blinged-out iPhone