I have a love-love relationship with caffeine. I used to try to keep it under wraps so that others wouldn’t judge me, but somewhere in between working in my first office job and going to the coffee pot for my third bucket-sized mug of coffee I was outed.

Yes, we’ve occasionally had our differences. Once I had unlimited access to an espresso machine, and discovered that five double lattes a day is not the ideal way to lead life, at least not if you don’t want to look like you have Parkinson’s. But we always kissed and made up in the end, because coffee is there for me when the rest of the world turns its back, with its warm frothiness telling me not to worry as long as I have a quad venti latte to see me through.

With such a meaningful relationship I’ve only ever really pretended to worry about the effects of caffeine on my system. I mean, yes, I guess I’d rather not wind up some sort of caffeine-leper, pushed to the outskirts of civilization because my ears are falling off from too much coffee intake, but I always assumed the risk of that was relatively slim. In fact, I’m pretty sure only leprosy causes that sort of thing.

So like I said, I’ve been living fast and loose, on the edge of the caffeine revolution, but now I have (drumroll please) conclusive evidence that every coffee-related choice I’ve made has been right, and my mother has been wrong. About caffeine I mean. She’s right about pretty much everything else.

Enter a beautiful new book,
The World of Caffeine, which defends my wonder-drug’s honor on a white steed with lance in hand! According to the certified doctors who wrote this, caffeine has all sorts of benefits, and should be celebrated! I know! I can’t stop using exclamation marks either!!

Cool stuff to know:

– caffeine evolved as a natural insect-repellent for the plants in question, which is why it exists in so many different species. It’s completely accidental that it has any effect on us. This means 1) that you should pour a little on your plants from time to time to help them out with bugs, and 2) all of evolution was not expressly designed for our drinking pleasure.
– caffeine is a proven booster of intelligence, physical performance, and overall mood. Just one cup of coffee literally helps most peoples’ moods out for the rest of the day – no wonder I’m so delightful!
– coffee and tea were good alternatives to beer, wine, etc. and have allowed the reduction of alcohol intake in society, to the benefit of all. (I am not one of those people, drinking plenty of beer and wine as well, but I appreciate a good point when I see one)
– caffeine is an excellent pain-killer, which is why it’s found in advil, asprin, etc. If you have a mild headache drinking a cup of coffee will probably help you out.

Basically what I’m saying here is that coffee rocks my socks, rules my roost, feathers my fedora, and is generally an all-around swell product.

…yes, and I’m also saying that I’m right, and my mom is wrong.