Mommy was an award-winning mermaid. The cat gave up one of her eyes in order to see into the future. All young ladies’ educations aren’t complete until they live for at least one season in an attic in Paris. No matter how sad you are, dancing makes things better. You should always have a poem … Continue reading Truths I Will Someday Tell My Children
Reasons To Marry Me
me: I think we should register for these: fiance: those are creepy me: I know! 😀 don't you want to know if anyone would spend $250 to give us a collection of creepy noses?! fiance: nah, I'm good me: see, this is why it's a good thing you're marrying me you'll learn way more about your loved ones than you … Continue reading Reasons To Marry Me
Lies I Will Someday Tell My Children
Broccoli is actually just an extremely tiny species of tree. The bigger version was once the main staple in the brontosaurus’s diet. The brontosaurus was so a real dinosaur. (So were triceratops!) College is basically like Hogwarts, but they don’t start teaching you the cool spells until after you declare your major. Their godmother really … Continue reading Lies I Will Someday Tell My Children
The Mad-est of Men
Watching Mad Men last night (reviewing the last season before starting in on the new one to remind myself what happened – DON’T TELL ME ANY SPOILERS) I had a sudden and irrevocable realization. I am basically Don Draper. Let’s review the facts, shall we? He has a ridiculous orange chair at his desk. I … Continue reading The Mad-est of Men
Ottoman Adjustments
Whilst doing my taxes (side note: screw you, TurboTax) I came upon what I like to refer to as “Awesome Adjustments” or “Shit Cool People Deduct.” Reward from a Crime Hotline? First off, it seems like that shouldn’t even be deducted, because that’s like punishing someone for solving crimes. Secondly, what kinds of rewards are … Continue reading Ottoman Adjustments
Haiku to the Abandoned Cookie on My Countertop
Decapitation.Oh shortbread triceratops,What happened to you?
Glint of Light 