Truths I Will Someday Tell My Children

Mommy was an award-winning mermaid.

The cat gave up one of her eyes in order to see into the future.

one-eyed cat

be afraid. be very afraid.

All young ladies’ educations aren’t complete until they live for at least one season in an attic in Paris.

No matter how sad you are, dancing makes things better.

You should always have a poem memorized in case of emergencies.

Mommy was banned for a year from the state of Oregon.

Tree-climbing is an art form, and should be practiced throughout one’s life in order to achieve greatness.

Chameleons ain’t got nothing on cuttlefish.

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