Being a responsible grown-up is slowly killing me.

The news is full of facts about how sitting down all day shortens your life. Like, a lot. And it’s fucking SCARY!

Via: Medical Billing And Coding

Check out those monsters! And those death rates! And being gross and ugly and overweight and unlovable, which, let’s all be honest, is the real disaster here.

So I’ve taken to using a standing desk. Yes, that means I am standing all day long. Yes, that does in turn make me feel superior to all those shmucks who sit all day, slowly destroying themselves from the inside out.

By and large I’m enjoying it. I feel better, more energetic, and more likely to spontaneously start dancing to iTunes. But there’s one very noticeable downside.

No cat cuddles.

We have two cats, and I adore them both and am never happier than when they’re seeking me out for massive cuddle sessions. One of them will flop dramatically across any flat surface and refuse to leave through passive resistance, and the other one will seriously trust-fall backwards, assume you’ll catch her, then start purring like mad in anticipation of belly rubs. I enjoy it, they enjoy it, it’s a win-win.

But now I have no lap, and both the cats stare at me all day with deep rejection in their eyes. The trust-fall cat even decided to fling herself off the now-much-taller desk in sheer desperation, then purred at me when I caught her with a look in her eyes like, “I DARE you to resist this belly!” But in general they just sit in the office with me, looking like they’ve given up on all love in the universe.

Yes, I know I’m projecting, and no I don’t plan on stopping my new trying-not-to-die-via-butt-cancer (or whatever it is that kills you from sitting too much; I didn’t really read the infographic I just looked at the pretty pictures), but now I stand here every day, full of guilt.

And hopefully full of much hotter legs in the near future.